GOODBYE - THE SADDEST WORD

After yet another sleepless night, I peeped outside to see if it was morning. It was already light. I picked up my cell phone from the side draw and checked the time. It was 5 a.m. 

He had finally drifted off to sleep after a tough night of restlessness, severe nose bleeding and difficulty breathing. We were in a Private Ward fortunately we didn’t have to share a bathroom with the other patients.  I pulled a light sheet over him and felt his body temperature. It seemed his temperature was high, again! I dashed to the Nurses’ station to inform them. Luckily, they followed me quite promptly, unlike other days where it would take them a long time to attend to us. The nurse came through and used a thermometer to check his temperature. Yes, it was very high. She gave him an injection, and assured me he would be fine. I made my way to the bathroom. It had been days since we had slept through the night and my eyes felt like they had sand in them. I brushed my teeth and took a quick bath.

I got back into the ward to find him seated in an upright position on his bed. I greeted him but he didn’t respond. He just looked at me. I offered him something to drink but he shook his head to signal that he did not want anything.  I applied lotion and got dressed for work. We had made an arrangement the night before with family, that someone would be coming to spend the day with him during the day while I was away at work.   

I still had some time before I was due to leave for work.  I went to the bathroom, filled one of the basins with warm water and come back into the room. He was still seated in an upright position but not talking..  He stared at me as if he wanted to tell me something.. I told him it was time for our ‘bed bath’. He wasn’t too happy about this! I could tell by the frown on his face.  I wet and soaped his facecloth and proceeded to dab him clean.  I gave him a clean change of clothes then reached for a fruit and gave it to him. He gave it a few bites but hardly seconds later, he was  throwing up.  I got a damp cloth and cleaned him up. He seemed frustrated. He had every reason to be! Every time he tried to eat something, his tummy wouldn’t hold it and he would throw up.  He shifted and lay down on his side, whilst I helped him adjust his pillow. I sat by his side and gently stroked his arm. We sat in silence whilst I waited on family.

Soon it was time for me to leave for work. I gave him a loving embrace and kissed him. I told him I loved him and that I would see him when I returned from work. He nodded to the affirmative.

I got into the car and made my way to work. Along the way, tears kept welling up in my eyes.  My heart was heavy. I began to speak with God, just as I did every day.  I asked him to have mercy upon us. I asked him to stretch his hand of grace and bring healing to his child. 

I arrived at work ten minutes late. My body was present but my heart was at the Hospital. I was afraid to ask, as had become the norm, for yet another day off. I had to be strong.

Every now and then I stood up from my desk and went to the bathroom to compose myself. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I looked at myself in the mirror and had a Pep talk with myself. “Be strong Rica”, I scolded myself. "You have got to keep yourself together. After a few minutes I felt confident enough to go back to my office.  I picked up the phone and called family to check on how he was doing. The report I got was not good. They had just put an oxygen mask on him. I hung up. Tears welled up once again. I was about to have a break down. “Keep strong, keep strong”. I muttered to myself. 

I got into the car and sped off to the hospital. I was an emotional wreck and thank God for getting me to the hospital in one piece. I rushed to the Ward. Two family members and my step daughter were standing outside crying. I feared the worst.  I dashed past them and into the Ward. There he lay, a completely different person to the one I had kissed goodbye in the morning. I reached for his hand and called his name. He did not respond. His eyes were open but he was not blinking. He was not moving. All I could hear was the loud sound of him gasping for breath and the sound of the oxygen tank.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think. I began to talk to him. I told him to keep strong. I told him not to give up. I begged him to keep going. It was evident, he had slipped into a coma. I knew that he could hear me even though he was not conscious.

I sat and the chair next to his bed, his hand still in mine. Hoping and praying... Two of his friends walked into the room. They greeted me and I mumbled a response, I could not stop my tears.. They called out his name but he did not respond. His eyes were still wide opened. His friends stood there, just as I sat there... We were all very quiet now.

The only sound in the room was his heavy breathing and the sound of the oxygen tank.  We stared at him helplessly.  About 15 minutes later, his breathing rhythm took a stranger twist.. He gasped and paused, and then gasped and paused! And then continued breathing…. And then paused again! He drew one long  and last deep breath and then there was an cold SILENCE!! I shook him and called out his name, one of his friends ran out to call the Nurse.  A nurse rushed in, she examined him. She firmly instructed us to step out for a bit and closed the door behind us. We were standing outside the door. We were crying quietly. We were numb. We were in shock. We heard the sound of the oxygen tank being switched off and our worst fears were confirmed.... he was gone! Gone forever....  A legendary soul went to sleep!