THE “BAE” CHRONICLES

Have you ever paid your significant other a little surprise visit at his/her place? Now, hands up if you are the one who turned out surprised…. That’s right!

When you are in a relationship, there comes a point where you feel like popping in at Bae’s place, unannounced, you know…  just to check up on them.  Only, these unannounced pop ins could turn rather nasty because, let’s face it, these dudes aint loyal. Ok, I don’t want to sound sexist, guys have also experienced their fair share of interesting finds during spot checks aka surprise visits to Bae. So it’s not even an issue of gender but of individual morals and values.

Gone are the days where relationships were taken seriously and monogamy was held in high esteem. Nowadays, it has almost become perfectly normal and ‘acceptable’ for guys to have “Side Chicks” and ladies to have, … err, pardon me, I forget the term! 

Cheating  has almost become ‘acceptable’.  Yes, in this day and age of escalating HIV/AIDS statistics.  Quite disturbing hey? Do monogamous relationships still exist? Very few me thinks. Very few…  Society has become so materialistic, people have become so opportunistic and it is almost like the demon of lust has been poured upon the earth in great volumes.  Things are so bad that, many good friendships have ended in disaster, after a greedy and lustful partner has crossed the line and become sexually involved with their lover’s best friend! Shocking? Nope, not anymore..   Moral decay has taken centre stage these day and people are hardly surprised when such things happen. 

I am taken back to a few personal experiences of my own with my one, two, three, wait a minute, Two! Experiences with two Exes of mine.  I have two Exes. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!   

Let’s start with who we shall call Ex No. 1; 

Ex No. 1 was the type of fella who would rock up at my place unannounced, as and when it pleased him. I had no problem with his surprise appearances. I mean, he was Bae, and Bae need not apply to visit Bae, right? And so he would appear (and disappear) at will. I was pretty young at the time and very naïve, might I add.  One mid morning after I had failed to reach him on his mobile phone, I decided to pay him a little visit at his flat.   As I neared his door I picked up a lovely garlic infused whiff coming from his kitchen window.   I got to the door and knocked gently, ready to flash a bright smile at him when he opened the door. Lo and Behold, a strange tall female opened the door! I told her who I was looking for and she simply stepped away from the door, allowing me to walk in. I stepped into the kitchen, and there he was, none other than Ex No. 1, standing by the stove, frying meat!  Frying meat the bugger! How nice was that. He had never even once so much as fried me an egg!  Being the young and silly girl that I was, I decided to get into a cat fight with the mystery lady. Silly, silly Rica!! I mean, what did she have to do with me finding her at my meat frying guy’s place? She obviously knew nothing about me.  Needless to say, I was Tree Hugging that afternoon, mending a broken heart.

And then there was Ex No. 2 ;

It is often said that you shouldn’t bad mouth your Ex, but please allow me to just say Ex No. 2 was the King of Scumbags (Burn, burn, burn!!*evil chuckle*). LOL, No seriously, there’s no better word to describe the dude! How I allowed him to string me along, will forever remain a mystery. Hehehehe.. He had Casanova written all over his face but Noooooo, I wouldn’t see reason.  Let me spare you the details and just say, he was full of ‘surprises’ and I had to send him packing, much to my relief!

Now, let’s deliberate on this question;  do you ever visit your significant other without prior arranging/announcing? Is it right, Is it wrong? Is it good, is it bad?  You be the judge!

Personally, I resolved (experience taught me actually) never to show up at my dude’s place  uninvited. There is a saying that goes ; “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie”, which basically means, when knowing something will lead to unhappiness, it is best not to know it at all.  Don’t pry, don’t search, and don’t appear! Just don’t!  Oh, that goes for cellphone snooping too! Don’t  go through your partner’s phone messages, emails or Facebook, because chances are, you will find what you are looking for!!  Now, who is to blame here? No prizes for guessing!

Believe me, It’s a dog eat dog world out there!

Let sleeping dogs lie, BUT keep yourself protected, if you know what I mean!!

As you were!

LET IT GO

It is the year 2016, a brand new year. What better way to start it off, than with a brand new attitude to life? What better way than to unlearn toxic and negative patterns, beliefs, habits and practices.

This is a great time to ditch all the baggage you carried in 2015. That abusive relationship, that self-destructive habit, that pessimistic approach to life, yes even that dude who won’t text you back. Hahahaha!

I have been reading a life changing book called “The Secret”. It explains the “Law of Attraction”. Quite simply explained; Whatever your dominant thoughts and feelings are, the Universe will respond with situations or events that are in sync with the very frequency you are emitting. For instance, if you are constantly nagging and complaining, you will notice that a lot of things will go wrong in your life, to allow you to nag and complain more. On the other hand, if you are a person who is always full of gratitude and positive thoughts, wonderful things will manifest themselves into your life.

An optimistic approach to life is not something everyone is born with, considering we come from diverse cultures and backgrounds. However, it is something one can learn and adopt. Many people are stuck in dysfunctional marriages, many people are still holding onto past pain, anger, unforgiveness, shame and regret.

It is time to reclaim your life, reclaim your purpose and reclaim your destiny. Let go of the things and people who are weighing you down. Let go of all those painful experiences you encountered, they were meant to teach you and strengthen you and not to destroy you. Reclaim your power. Yes, you may still have the scars but what is important is that you heal inside. I am talking about that relationship that ended badly and almost broke you. I am talking about that job that no longer served you, that friendship that ended, that partner you lost, those mistakes you made, that relative who betrayed you, those people who gossip about you! Just. Let. It. Go. Let it go! It is over.

Open yourself up to new opportunities. A new job, new friends, a new circle, perhaps even a new love. It is time you resolved to adopt an attitude of gratitude and watch how your life will change for the better.  Detoxify yourself of all negative energy within and around you. Get yourself a note book and convert it into a Gratitude Journal. Every single morning, before you get out of bed, list at least three things, people or events you are grateful for. You will notice a positive change in your mood, emotions and spirit.

And finally, the best gift you can give to yourself this new year is the gift of Self Love. Now I know this one seems easy but is actually very difficult. We tend to extend love to others and yet if we were to do an introspection on ourselves, we actually do not love (or have not learnt how) ourselves. It is a fact, you are not ready to love someone until you love and accept yourself first. If only we could remind ourselves that we are unique, amazing, beautiful and irreplaceable. No one on this planet can be you and vice versa. You are amazing just the way you are. Yes with those big eyes. Yes with that stutter in your speech. Yes with that skin colour. Yes with that scar. Yes with your tiny breasts and butt. Yes with no waistline and those stretch marks. You’re enough. You are ENOUGH.

Take time to allow yourself to indulge in the things that bring you joy and fulfilment (No Erica, not alcohol!) Hahaha! Pamper yourself whenever you can. It need not cost you much; a simple pair of new earrings, a new colour lipstick, a pair of shoes, a walk in the park, listening to your favourite music, whatever it is that calms and soothes your soul and makes you feel good.

Just love and embrace the person you are. Of course it is not something that will happen overnight, but allow the transformation to a better you to begin. Now.

The year 2015 has gone. Let it go! I don’t know about you, but this is my year of transformation. Who is with me? Cheers to great times ahead, success, prosperity and happiness! *raises glass* Err, the glass Rica.. Put the glass down! Heek heek..

Till next week, much love and God Bless.

Growing Pains

School End of Year Parties were not on my list of fun activities. School Educational Trips were my worst nightmare. Break Time and Lunch times, I did not look forward to.

The Primary School I attended comprised mainly of kids from the middle to upper class of society. My Dad passed away when I was in Grade 2, and him being the sole breadwinner of the family, things took a nose dive after his demise. My Mom was unemployed.

Whenever schools closed at the end of the year, we would have a Class Party to celebrate. This meant ditching our school uniforms for the day and rocking our Civvies. Only I didn’t have much to ‘rock’. I hated it because honestly I had nothing nice to wear. And so I would try to find the most decent looking dress I owned from my little collection and would pair it off with my school shoes (and socks) and join in the party. It was the best I could do really. My fellow class mates always outdid themselves and came dressed to the nines. It made me feel very uncomfortable. To this very day I will always remember a comment passed by this girl in my class who happened to come from a well to do family, “Erica, why aren’t you wearing a party dress” she snickered (the nerve!). I was embarrassed because as far as I was concerned, I had tried to look the part, under the circumstances.

I never looked forward to Break Time or Lunch Time because I hardly ever carried food to school. And if I did, it was always mixed fruit jam. Yes that, that red thing! To this day I cannot stand the sight of it. Yuck!  School Educational Trips to the Game Reserves were my worst nightmare. You see this was the day where all the other kids would show off all their goodies from home… Kentucky Fried Chicken, Fruit Juice, and all the Snacks you can think of. I recall a particular day our school was scheduled to visit Hlane Game Reserve. I woke up very early in the morning on the day and carefully thought about and strategized as to how I was going to throw the other kids off my back because I had nothing to carry for the trip. They always came with their school bags bulging and filled to maximum capacity with mouth-watering goodies. I came up with a cunning plan; I gathered my school jerseys, tracksuits and raincoats and stashed them inside my school bag up to the point that my school bag looked nice and fat. “That should keep those inquisitive rascals off my back” I thought to myself. But Noooo!!!! No sooner had I entered the school Bus than those peeping toms wanted to see what I was carrying for the trip. Lol! I had to put my foot down and refused to let them inside my bag.     

Looking back now and reflecting… Those were the most difficult years of my childhood and my self-esteem was wounded quite a bit, more so because I had absolutely no control over the situation. Nonetheless, I am grateful that I never allowed this experience to bring me down or deter my plans for the future. Things improved at home when I got to High School and life got back to normal. I no longer had to endure the embarrassing situations I encountered during my Primary School days. Most of my teachers liked me and I was performing well academically. I was also very well behaved and was even appointed Class Prefect and Ultimately, Vice Head Girl in my Final Year of school.

Sadly, my final year of High School is the year my Mom passed away. It was during the time that I was preparing for my final O’Level Examination. Thankfully and by God’s Grace, I managed to perform well and was accepted into University. Being orphaned at a young age forced me to grow up quickly. It taught me how to be strong and it brought my siblings and I closer together than we had ever been. It also taught me to take charge of my destiny regardless of what I had experienced and not to ever feel like a victim but rather a victor of my childhood circumstances.

The reason I have decided to share this with you is because it will be Christmas in a few days’ time. Families come together during this time and enjoy food, drink and presents aplenty. Very few people take time to think about the families who are less privileged, the child headed families out there and the destitute. I know what it feels like to be without, and therefore I am grateful to my creator for being with me, for guiding me, for protecting me and for blessing me with two beautiful children of my own. I am what and who I am today because of his grace. 

On Christmas Eve, my siblings and I, together with other friends will be visiting an Orphanage located at Elwandle in the Manzini region where we will, as we have been doing over the years, have a Braai and refreshments with Orphans of that area. Some good friends and companies have donated presents as well so the children will receive Christmas gifts too. It may not be much, but I know it will bring a smile on their faces and plant love in their lonely hearts. Merry Christmas Everyone, I pray that the grace and protection of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ be upon you today and in the New Year. Till next week, Much love and God Bless.