Of the mannyyyyy things I learnt this year (2016). This is my best lesson;

Love is patient. It is not "URGENT" pheceleti "ALIPHUTFUMI" and aliphutfuMANI! It brews at it's own pace. Do not rush it. Do not be anxious about it. Just let it run it's natural course. If you love someone, set them free and just let them BE.

What is for you is for you. What is not for you is not for you. You can cry, fret, stress all you like but until you understand what love (not lust) is, you will continue to hurt yourself. Also, you may love someone and they will not love you back. That is ok. Love them at a distance. You cannot force your love on someone.

Oh, and another thing; Too many people are TOGETHER but not IN LOVE. Likewise, Too many people and NOT TOGETHER BUT they are in LOVE.

There is no need to feel desperate in love. There is no need to chase after love. Whom is meant for you will always gravitate back towards you, no matter how far and wide they may wander.
Last but not least, LOVE is NOT Conditional. I repeat, Love is not Conditional.
~Love RICA

The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit - Psalm 34:18

This is for you.. yes you who is at the verge of giving up. You have even contemplated suicide. You are crushed and your spirit is broken. Nothing makes sense to you. You have no desire to go on. You are tired. You are ready to give up. You just want to lay down and die because you think death will give you the peace your spirit seeks. You think that you will finally put it all beh...ind you. In your grave you think you will find your peace. Have you forgotten, death is not final?? No, it is not. You cannot kill your soul because it was created by God.

I am speaking to someone who cannot take the pain anymore.
I am speaking to someone whose heart is broken.
I am speaking to someone who is feeling like a failure in life.
I am speaking to someone who has made mistakes in life.
I am speaking to someone who thinks the world will be a better place if the earth would just hurry up and swallow them forever.

It's not over for you my friend, my brother, my sister, my mother, my father.
It is not over for you.
If you knew the plans God has for you. If you knew how the tide is about to turn in your favour. You would hold on... just hold on.

Keep going.. One day at a time. One step at a time.
From the deepest part of my heart, this message is for you. Yes you.
I know I am speaking to somebody - Love Rica

HOW LONG SHOULD YOU MOURN

In simple terms, mourning refers to the expression of grief or sorrow, usually subsequent to the death of a loved one.

In addition to the pain one experiences after the death of a loved one, there is always another challenge that lies ahead- Society’s expectation of how you should mourn your loss.

Expectations of what you can or cannot do, where you may or may not go, what you can or cannot eat, how to dress, etcetera!

The reality is; everyone has their own unique experience with grief because we all have our own unique emotions.

There is no typical loss. Therefore, there is no typical response to loss.

For instance, sudden losses may cause a stronger sense of loss (initially) as opposed to more ‘predictable’ losses, such as a loss as a result of a terminal illness.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross famously compiled five stages of emotional reaction to death as follows;

1)      Denial

2)      Anger

3)      Bargaining

4)      Depression

5)      Acceptance

 

However, worth noting is the fact that these five steps were actually used to describe a person’s feelings regarding his/her own imminent death, usually upon being diagnosed with a terminal health condition.

 

For the above reason, reference to these five steps as Universal Stages of Mourning or grief is inaccurate.

 

Mourning is a very individual experience and it is wrong to expect a person in mourning to express themselves or carry themselves in a way that you deem appropriate. You are not that person and that person is not you.

 

Also, there is no time frame when it comes to mourning. Whilst your grief may stay with you for weeks or months, the full mourning process may take years, or even a lifetime. Every mourning experience is unique.

 

People should be allowed to handle their grief in their own way.  They should be allowed to deal with the pain in their own way and not judged or condemned.

 

Who is to say that just because you have lost a loved one you are not allowed to be active on Facebook? Who is to say that you are not allowed to go out for dinner? Who is to say that you cannot dress up and look beautiful?

 

Why is it that Society expects you to shun away from the world? Why is it that you are expected to be a river of tears day in and day out? Why is it that you are expected to dress shabbily and not take care of yourself?

 

There is no such thing as a “prescribed” mourning period and there is no such thing is the “perfect” way to mourn.

 

Society needs to stop being so judgmental and just let mourning people be!

 

The least you can do when someone is mourning the death of a loved one is to show them love, show them kindness, lend them an ear, be a shoulder to cry on, pray for and with them, be their strength when they are weak, but most importantly, just let them be!

 

Till next week, much love and God Bless!

 

Would You Tell?

You are knowledgeable that your friend’s partner is cheating. What do you do?

Do you call your friend up immediately and spill the beans or do you step back and think carefully about it before you decide what to do.

You may feel disgusted by the infidelity and you may feel that telling your friend about it is the right thing to do, but is it really?

I do not think there is any right or wrong way to handle this and at the end of the day, we have different approaches and values when it comes to loyalty and monogamy as a whole.

Relationships dynamics are complex and no two relationships are exactly the same.

Nowadays, it has become almost ‘normal’ to have more than one partner, more especially with the male species. I am told that most guys want to have a main girlfriend and also a secret lover also known as a “Side Chick”. Very few guys stay true to one partner.

Now, with the ever changing times, woman have changed the status quo and it is now very common to find woman with a steady partner AND a secret fella on the side, also known as a “Side Dude”.

Anyway, back to the subject matter, what is the right thing to do when faced with the knowledge that your friend’s partner is cheating?

You may decide to tell your friend about it and watch as he/she breaks down and tries to handle the heartbreak. Usually, one of two things happens after you tell. Your friend may end the relationship or decide to stay and work things out.

As I mentioned earlier, relationship dynamics are complex, thus you may end up having a fall out with your friend after you have spilled the beans. Why? There is a popular siswati saying that goes; “Indzaba yebantfu lababili ayingenwa” loosely translated “Do not involve yourself in any matter that pertains to two lovers”.

When all is said and done, if two people love each other, they will try to work things out as opposed to ending the relationship. On the other hand, you as the Whistle Blower risk falling out with your friend because it is not difficult for their significant other to turn the tables and make it appear that you are either lying about it or purely jealous about the relationship.

Okay, let us weigh the Pros and Cons of Spilling the Beans;

What happens if you turn a blind eye? Well your friend is being ‘played’ and is none the wiser. All is well in their world. Nobody gets hurt. Where ignorance is bliss ‘tis folly to be wise, right? Well this is a very tricky one. For instance, you may opt to be silent about the infidelity but what happens if six months down the line, your friend contracts some dread disease as a result of said infidelity? You would probably blame yourself wouldn’t you? But then again, we need to remember this; at the end of the day, the issue of ensuring that you do not expose yourself to Sexually Transmitted Infections rests with you, not your friend, and certainly not your partner. You are responsible to protect YOU.  

I did say we have different opinions pertaining to this topic and mine may not necessarily be favourable to you.

You know, from early childhood, my mother always told me to stay out of other peoples’ business. Growing up, I do not recall a single incident whereby my mother was involved in gossip drama. I do not recall anyone budging into our house hot under the collar,  to confront my mother over any neighbourhood gossip- Ever!

It is a principle I adopted from an early age, minding my own business.

It has worked for me over the years and it keeps me out of trouble.

 

Much love and God Bless, till next week!!

Hey, It’s Ok..

… to find another parking spot when required to parallel park

… if your wig accidentally slides off while you are making out with your dude

… if the only body warmth you get on a cold night is that of your fat fluffy cat

… to picture yourself walking down the aisle with the love of your life

… if your stalking skills would put an FBI agent to shame

… if your Mac lipstick is not the original

… if your best karaoke voice sounds similar to a cat in distress

… if you are not too proud of yourself when you look at your call register and       sent texts the next day after a hectic night out with your girlfriends

... to gobble down a whole slab of chocolate at once - because chocolate

…  to pay for a full month’s gym subscription but only manage to attend twice

… if you are slightly older than your dude- because Cougar Town

… if you have a crush on Tyrese Gibson

… to admit that you actually enjoy watching Tom and Jerry at your age

… if you have not the foggiest understanding of politics but think that Jacob Zuma, Julius Malema and Donald Trump are great comedians

... to take his call on the first ring after telling your Bestie you were done with him   

… to gulp down a litre of pineapple juice on your way to visit your dude- because sweet you know where

… to skip Sunday bathing and conveniently blame the water rationing situation

… if you and your girl-squad each pitch in coins on a mid-month weekend to buy yourselves the cheapest boxed wine available  

… to skip the party just so you can spend quality time with your dude

… to admit that your cooking skills suck    

 

No, it’s NOT Ok

... to flirt with your friend’s dude

… to run your mouth about petty gossip

… to stay with a dude that beats you up

… if you neglect to have regular health check-ups which include being tested for HIV, Cancer and other potentially harmful conditions

… to steal wine from my cellar

 

 

GOD, WHERE IS MY BOAZ?

I am reading a very interesting book by Stephan Labossiere, titled “GOD WHERE IS MY BOAZ”.

I have been inspired to dedicate this week’s article to all the single ladies out there who have reached a point in their lives where they are on the verge of giving up meeting Mr Right.

I understand that almost all your relationships have failed. I understand that you have always made an effort to make things work.  I understand that your marriage ended in divorce. Hey, I understand.

Take heart Oh Beautiful Woman!  Your past experiences do not spell the absence of hope for you in Love.

There is a wonderful love story in the Bible in the book of Ruth, about a God fearing widow who, against all odds, captured the heart of a great man, Boaz.  

You deserve to have someone in your life who will love you, care for you, motivate you, mentor you and encourage you. You deserve that special person- your Boaz!

I know you have kissed many frogs and none have turned into your Prince Charming. I know you have reached a point in your life where you are now willing to settle for Mr Wrong. You know very well who the Mr Wrong is in your life is. You know it because your intuition tells you so. You know it because he has been hurting you and is showing very little regard for your feelings. You know it because he is never there for you. You know it because you are not included in his plans for the future.

He is taking you for a ride and it is time you stepped out of that ride because you are going NOWHERE slowly.

You have probably spent many nights crying out to God. You are beginning to doubt your worth. You are starting to think you may have been cursed. You know you are a good woman, you know you have what it takes to be a great partner but things are not working out the way they should be.

Do not give up, it is not over until it is over! Your time is coming.

God’s plan for your life is for you to live a life of abundance.  Abundance of Grace. Abundance of Prosperity. Abundance of LOVE.  Do you believe this? Remember, God is not a Man that he should lie! His promises are Yes and Amen. Wow! Who would have thought that I had it in me to preach huh?

There is no need to under rate or degrade yourself. Your current situation does not render you less of a woman. You are perfectly imperfect just the way you are. Your scars, past, number of children, shape and skin colour all form part and parcel of who and what you are my lady!

Patience is a virtue Baby Girl.  True love will find you.  Stop searching, stop stressing, stop fretting! Just STOP.  Exhale, let it go and allow LOVE to FIND you, because it will, when you least expect it to, and under the strangest circumstances.   

In the meantime, enjoy your life as a singleton.

Just as Ruth was going about her business working in the veld when Boaz noticed her, your Prince will appear when you are least expectant.

Exercise caution though.. Do not fall in to the trap of mistaking your Boaz for that Joker who does not treat you right or appreciate you. Uhm, that married dude is not your Boaz hey… Just saying! Oh, lest I forget, guys who do not text you back are not of the Boaz species. Hehehehehe… This is my favourite line because I despise being ignored, so my Boaz had better get texting, and fast!

It would appear that I am fast becoming the Love Guru of the Internet. Experience Fam…. Experience!! Painful, brutal life lessons! 

Your girl Rica has been through the fire, so believe me when I say, I am nothing but pure GOLD now. Lucky is the fella who will settle down with yours truly. Lucky and blessed he is! Heek heek..

To my ladies out there; May we kiss frogs no more! Peace, be still.. Peace, BE STILL!!

 

Until next week, much love and God Bless!!!

 

  

 

DADDY DEAREST

 I woke up today with thoughts of my Dad, Mr. Dale Smith, who passed on many years ago, when I was only eight years old.     

He was a Disciplinarian and during the few years that I spent with him, he kept me and my siblings on the straight and narrow path. I was afraid of him. We all were (our Mom included).        

My Dad did not socialize. He always kept to himself.  He never went out and hardly ever had friends come over to our house. He preferred to stay home and sip on his Whiskey. 

He enjoyed watching CNN News on our small black and white television set. I recall vividly how we would all sit in the living room and watch TV together as a family, very quietly. My Dad disliked noise.  He often told my siblings and I, “Children are to be seen and not to be heard”, and he meant just that.

He was a man who thoroughly enjoyed his space. If we spent too much time inside the house, he would ask my siblings and I; “Are you trying to count my teeth” (never mind that he actually wore false teeth), but we loved him all the same and I know he loved us too.    

My Dad would pat me on the forehead and call me “Girlie” when he was in a good mood , which was rare. My Dad was not a jolly person.

My siblings and I we were not allowed to play outside of the yard and this taught us how to truly enjoy each another’s company. 

Visitors were not allowed in our home. I recall how, many a time, the Jehovah’s Witnesses who tried to visit our home were turned away at the gate. It was the duty of us kids to inform them, rather sheepishly; “Dad says Go Away”.

 

Mr.Smith was a big fan of corporal punishment and I will never forget a particular morning when Yours Truly grew ‘long fingers’ and dug into Big Sister’s stash of coin savings.

The parents were away at work and my older siblings were at school.  My younger sister and I remained at home every morning (we had not yet started school) until the rest of the family returned in the evening.

I raided Big Sister’s savings in her secret spot (on top of the Wardrobe) and raced to the shop, which was a walking distance, whereupon I made it ‘rain’ all sorts of good things for baby sis and I.   We bought big red apples, chocolate, fizzy drinks, biscuits and , and, and! We even bought the daily newspaper, regardless of the fact that we could not read at the time. 

Later that evening, my older sister noticed that her coin savings had been tampered with. I was already fast asleep. Of course I was the prime suspect.  I was woken up and told that Dad wanted to have a word with me.  I stepped out of bed (still half asleep) and walked into the living room, where I found him seated on his favourite couch- sjambok in hand. Yeah…  Sjambok! That is how my Dad ‘rolled’. He asked me what had happened to my sister’s money and I sang my confession like a cannery, before enduring the dreaded and excruciating lashes of that, THAT SJAMBOK!   

 Our family owned a lovely dog named “Freeway”. She too was not spared the rod. If she so much as howled for no reason, my Dad simply walked out of the house with his Sjambok and gave her a couple of lashes to ‘call her to order’.

One thing I loved about Pops is that he never ever forgot birthdays.  He always made us feel extra special on our birthdays. These were our best days. We would gather around the table  and sing “Happy Birthday”, before enjoying chocolate cake and refreshments. However, our friends were not allowed to join us.      

 One afternoon, our Dad returned home from work earlier than usual. He appeared to be physically un-well. That evening, our Mom made arrangements to get him to Hospital, where he spent a couple of days.  

 Sadly, My Papa never made it back home alive.

 

Until next week, much love and God Bless!!