HOW LONG SHOULD YOU MOURN

In simple terms, mourning refers to the expression of grief or sorrow, usually subsequent to the death of a loved one.

In addition to the pain one experiences after the death of a loved one, there is always another challenge that lies ahead- Society’s expectation of how you should mourn your loss.

Expectations of what you can or cannot do, where you may or may not go, what you can or cannot eat, how to dress, etcetera!

The reality is; everyone has their own unique experience with grief because we all have our own unique emotions.

There is no typical loss. Therefore, there is no typical response to loss.

For instance, sudden losses may cause a stronger sense of loss (initially) as opposed to more ‘predictable’ losses, such as a loss as a result of a terminal illness.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross famously compiled five stages of emotional reaction to death as follows;

1)      Denial

2)      Anger

3)      Bargaining

4)      Depression

5)      Acceptance

 

However, worth noting is the fact that these five steps were actually used to describe a person’s feelings regarding his/her own imminent death, usually upon being diagnosed with a terminal health condition.

 

For the above reason, reference to these five steps as Universal Stages of Mourning or grief is inaccurate.

 

Mourning is a very individual experience and it is wrong to expect a person in mourning to express themselves or carry themselves in a way that you deem appropriate. You are not that person and that person is not you.

 

Also, there is no time frame when it comes to mourning. Whilst your grief may stay with you for weeks or months, the full mourning process may take years, or even a lifetime. Every mourning experience is unique.

 

People should be allowed to handle their grief in their own way.  They should be allowed to deal with the pain in their own way and not judged or condemned.

 

Who is to say that just because you have lost a loved one you are not allowed to be active on Facebook? Who is to say that you are not allowed to go out for dinner? Who is to say that you cannot dress up and look beautiful?

 

Why is it that Society expects you to shun away from the world? Why is it that you are expected to be a river of tears day in and day out? Why is it that you are expected to dress shabbily and not take care of yourself?

 

There is no such thing as a “prescribed” mourning period and there is no such thing is the “perfect” way to mourn.

 

Society needs to stop being so judgmental and just let mourning people be!

 

The least you can do when someone is mourning the death of a loved one is to show them love, show them kindness, lend them an ear, be a shoulder to cry on, pray for and with them, be their strength when they are weak, but most importantly, just let them be!

 

Till next week, much love and God Bless!