JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Your alarm goes off and you feel like screaming and curling back into bed.

Your energy levels are way below zero and you have absolutely no desire to participate in life, no today anyway!

Sound familiar?

There are days when everything seems to be working against you; it actually feels like you are literally driving against oncoming traffic.

You wish you could call in sick and shut the world out of your life for a while.. a day, a week, a month! You do not feel like interacting with your fellow earthlings. Actually, moving to another planet does not seem like such a bad idea.

Well, I woke up this morning feeling all sorts of demotivated.. about life, about work, about relationships- Pretty much everything! For a second I wished I could go back to my childhood. But then I quickly remembered that I actually did not enjoy that either. Lol! Nothing “Lol-y” about it, I know hey.  

I am not sure if this is a mild form of depression or just purely a bad day but I am tired. Tired of being strong. Tired of trying. Tired of smiling. Just tired!

I do not often feel this way. My normal self is a happy, bubbly, outgoing, crazy and full of life Rica.

That said, I am only human right?.. RIGHT! So just for today, please allow me to express exactly how I am feeling right this moment.

Today my motivational quotes, memes, prayer, books and affirmations are not working.

Just today, allow to express just how lost I feel.

Today, I woke up (against my body’s will) and dragged myself into the bath. I dressed up and made myself look pretty. I even wore my favourite red lipstick. I was looking quite good, if I may say so myself. Only, I was feeling the complete opposite.

Before I set out for work, my beautiful daughter gave me a warm hug and wished me a lovely day. For a minute, my heart warmed up and I smiled.

I dragged myself into the car and cranked up the engine. The stereo came on, the volume was at full blast (as usual), and I drove myself to work, at high speed, because the speed temporarily gives my body an adrenaline rush of excitement (which brings me back to the feeling that I NEED ,not want, a car with a V8 engine) It is necessary for my therapy.

Today is one of those days when I wish my fellow colleagues could spare me any form of communication. I wish I could close the blinds and lock my office door until knock off time.

However, the reality of life is that even on days like this, one still has to fully participate.. In that job, those commitments and also those bills! *sigh* 

There are times when even the strongest people need a hug, a kind word or maybe a wad of cash. Especially a wad of cash! Heek heek..

Tomorrow will be a better day, I know it will. But just for today, please allow me to swim and absorb my misery until it begins to spill over.

Only for today, because TODAY is just one of those days!

Until next week, much love and God Bless!!